Finding What You Love: Making Room for Contentment
Lately, multiple people have asked me about my career change. Many are curious about how I made the decision to do what I do today.
The following words and phrases come up a lot during those conversations: burnout; happiness; contentment; not knowing what I want; finding what I love to do; doing what I love; loving what I do. There is a theme here.
With AI filling the majority of what we are exposed to these days, it’s only natural that more of us are waking up and asking ourselves: What is the point? What is actually important to me?
I wasn’t always a gardener, an artist, or a business owner. I thought that the only way to make a living (and, in turn, be happy) was through working a job, earning my keep, and climbing the corporate ladder. Be successful, whatever that means. But at one point, I asked myself: Then what? Let’s say I make it to the top of that ladder. What happens after that? Will I be happy then? What is happiness? What is success?
Many of my friends know that I left San Francisco and moved to Amsterdam for love, but they may not know that I was already done with living in San Francisco. Don’t get me wrong, I love that city and still feel nostalgic when I think of its great landmarks and the precious moments I experienced there. But one day, I was waiting for a friend at a brunch spot and overheard two tech bros talking about work. One of them said, “I earn a quarter million a year, and that is nothing.”
I felt deflated. It’s like a slap in the face: I didn’t even earn half of that. What am I doing here, almost 30 and sharing a place with four other housemates?! That guy wasn’t entirely wrong though. San Francisco had become unlivable due to the insanely high cost of living, especially housing. This created so much inequality that it had also become unpleasant to walk around the city, let alone reside in it.
It hurt to see the city I called my second home turn out to be so homogeneous in terms of what people did for a living, in addition to the rising inequality. Over the previous decade or two, the city had become dominated by tech companies, so I mostly met people who worked in tech. The fact that I needed a change became even more apparent when I moved to Amsterdam. When I got on the plane to move to Amsterdam eight years ago, I didn't know I was also about to embark on a (much needed) journey of self discovery. Yes, I still worked in tech for the first few years here, but most of the new people I met weren’t working in tech. It was like a breath of fresh air. People also did activities and talked about things outside of work that weren’t technology- or work-related (what?!).
Fast-forward and I’ve been out of the tech/corporate world for about four years now. Through gardening and watercolor painting, I’ve managed to start my own small workshop and art business. It’s like I’m starting all over again, but with the maturity, wisdom, and experience that I didn’t possess in my 20s (you can read more about my journey to art in this interview with Five to Nine).
Am I making bank? Far from it. Am I content? Absolutely!
Here are a few things I’ve observed and concluded through my recent conversations about burnout, layoffs, and finding what we love doing:
1. Rather than “happiness,” think “contentment”
I find it a better word to describe what everyone is ultimately looking for. What is enough to make you feel at ease and at peace in your everyday life? Money is probably one of the factors, but we soon realize it may not sit at the top of the list.
2. Midlife/Quarter-life Transformation, not “crisis”
“Crisis” just makes it sound so intense and hopeless. The fact that we get to sit down and think about our options is a privilege in itself. So why not think more positively about it? An opportunity for change, to do something different, to take risks, and to try something new.
The fact that we get to sit down and think about our options is a privilege in itself.
3. It takes time
It takes time to find what you love and figure out what to do with it. For me, I took a year of “doing nothing” to figure out what I wanted to do with what I loved doing. I started taking classes, picking up hobbies, trying things I never thought I would, connecting with different people, and emptying my mind.
Taking a watercolor course
In the end, I chose to give up my previous profession entirely and do what I do today. And I realize that’s not for everyone.
“Amy, it’s scary! I don’t think I can make enough to support my family if I quit my 9-to-5.”
It is scary, and not everyone can make such decisions, but I’m not asking you to quit your job like I did.
You don’t have to quit your job to learn a musical instrument, learn a new language, or try knitting.
It doesn’t have to be all or nothing, and everyone has their own path. However, one common theme I see in these conversations is that we pour everything into the job we think will give us everything: food on the table, stability and security, validation, self-worth, identity, etc. We don’t realize that the job has taken up all our time and space: the time and mental space we need to explore and find some of these important things (self-worth, identity, validation, peace, etc.) elsewhere.
So, if you’re reading this and find yourself thinking about making a change, aren’t content with where you are in life or your career, or simply want to try something new and different outside of work, I challenge you to do the following:
If you’re burned out from work
I’m not a medical professional and can’t give you any medical advice, but I hope you’re getting the treatment or therapy you need to heal.
Especially for those who are lucky enough to be in a country that has a good health care/sick leave policy, I challenge you to rest and do nothing for a bit. We’re so trained to keep busy and keep doing things. So, before you take up any additional hobbies and activities, please take this chance to slow down first.
And when you feel ready, maybe you can take up a relaxing activity or hobby. For me, the beginning of my healing was through gardening and being in touch with nature. The goal here is to really slow down, refrain from pushing yourself, and master the art of doing nothing - see what feels right for you - there is no rush.
If you’re looking for your passion
I challenge you to try out different things first. If you’re curious about rock climbing, go do that! This is simply for your enjoyment and exploration. To this date, I still take different classes and try different art medium - it's a very enriching experience to learn new things.
Dipping my toes in oil painting Attended a watercolor festival in the UK The joy of painting and learning from a master
If you’re looking for a career change, possibly something drastically different
I challenge you to first sit down and assess your financial situation, so you understand what it would mean if you quit your job or did something entirely different. This process helped ground my partner and me as we decided on our next steps.
After that, try doing the thing you want to do and see if you enjoy it. For example, if you’re thinking of becoming a baker, try working at a bakery to see whether you like it.
How do we determine if we love something so much that we want to make a career out of it?
Ask yourself if you’d like to do that thing all day (80–90% of the day), every day, and still feel content.
Also, would you be willing to put up with the unpleasant parts of the job? For example, standing on your feet all day to bake.
There is no straight route or formula for finding what you love to do, but the process of figuring it out can be so much fun and is well worth it.
Having fun identifying flower seeds Smelling the herbs Workshop attendee painting flowers
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